Sunday, June 16, 2024

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你如何處理自己的憤怒?

By Robert J. Tamasy

在一般的工作天裡,我們所展現和遇到的許多情緒中,憤怒可能是最普遍的。憤怒有許多原因,但我不是心理學家,所以我不妄加揣測所有的原因。我認為在今日的職場中確實有許多憤怒的人,可能你就是其中之一。

有時不合理的最後期限和工作壓力會點燃我們的怒火。沒達到目標和不實際的期待也能讓我們生氣。和同事之間的衝突,特別是那些個性與我們不合的人,會激發我們的怒氣。我們會把家裡的衝突帶到工作場所,或從工作場所帶到我們的家中,導致意外且不合理地生氣。我們有些人會讓怒氣在內心裡沸騰,只等一個藉口去爆發。

在大多數的狀況中,失控地表達憤怒是有害的,那造成的損害很難修復。所以我們要如何處理怒氣?當有人撞到我們的情緒桶,憤怒要開始溢出時,我們能做什麼?

最近我讀到一個故事說到,有一位商人認為自己已成功地贏得一個大合約。這個交易會是他公司有史以來最大的一筆,會讓他部門的生產量達到前所未有的高點。遺憾的是,在正式簽約前,那客戶改變主意,選擇與另一家公司合作。

當然,那位主管非常失望。事實上,他不僅是失望。他內心的憤怒在沸騰,而且想要衝進那違背諾言客戶的總部。若他憤怒的想法是子彈,許多人都會受傷。

然而,在衝動行事之前,他花了一些時間冷靜下來,最後決定保持沉默。他的理智讓他知道,雖然強烈地展現情緒會覺得痛快,但並不會得到什麼好處。因為憤怒很容易四處蔓延,所以聖經也談了許多有關憤怒的事。以下只是少數例子:

想辦法迅速解決不合。衝突是正常的,但若我們允許憤怒的感覺翻騰、悶燒,紛爭的程度就會上升。「生氣卻不要犯罪;不可含怒到日落」(以弗所書4章26節)。

不讓憤怒變成苦毒。意見不同通常能解決,但懷著憤怒的感覺會導致苦毒,而苦毒會破壞人際關係。「一切苦毒、惱恨、忿怒、嚷鬧、毀謗,並一切的惡毒,都當從你們中間除掉」(以弗所書4章31節)。

傾聽,而不是說話,能敉平憤怒的爆發。保持沉默並傾聽通常有幫助,而不是被惹得快速地以憤怒回應。有時我們生氣,只因為沒有適當地了解別人在說什麼。即使我們的意見仍然不同,冷靜地討論差異比展現憤怒更有果效。「你們各人要快快地聽,慢慢地說,慢慢地動怒,因為人的怒氣並不成就 神的義」(雅各書1章19-20節)。

勞勃.泰默西是領袖資產協會的傳播部副部長,這是一個總部在美國喬治亞州亞特蘭大的非營利組織。他也是一個有40年經驗的退休新聞工作者。他寫過一本書「最佳狀態的商業:箴言給今日職場的歷久彌新智慧」(Business At Its Best: Timeless Wisdom from Proverbs for Today”s Workplace)。他也與David A. Stoddard合著一本書「導師之心」(The Heart of Mentoring)。要了解更多資訊, 可上網www.leaderslegacy.com 或上他的部落格www.bobtamasy.blogspot.com以及www.bobtamasy.wordpress.com 。

省思 / 討論題目
你或你親近的人是否常常容易生氣?那怒氣一向都如何展現?那樣發怒後有什麼結果? 有一句話說:「若感覺好,就去做!」所以當我們釋放鬱積的情緒而覺得痛快時,宣洩憤怒有什麼錯? 你能想出在職場的某個情況中,當怒氣不恰當地表達,造成破壞、分裂的結果?請描述一兩個那樣的情況,以及其後果。 你對聖經有關憤怒的建議,和應該如何管理怒氣有何看法?註:若你有聖經且想要看有關此主題的其他經文,請看:
箴言12章16節,14章16、29節,15章18節,16章32節,17章27節,19章19節,22章24-25節,25章28節,26章21節,29章11節

HOW DO YOU HANDLE YOUR ANGER?
By Robert J. Tamasy

Of all the many emotions we display and encounter during a typical workday, anger is probably the most common. There are many reasons for this, but since I am not a psychologist I will not speculate on all the causes. I do think we can agree there are many angry people in the workplace these days. Perhaps you are one of them.

Sometimes unreasonable deadlines and work pressures spark anger. Unfulfilled goals and unrealized expectations can leave us feeling angry. Conflicts with colleagues and coworkers, especially those having personalities that do not mesh with our own, can arouse our ire. We carry conflict from home to work, or from work to our homes, leading to unexpected and often unjustified displays of anger. Some of us have grown up with anger boiling inside of us, just waiting for an excuse to explode.

In most instances, uncontrolled expressions of anger are detrimental, causing damage that proves difficult to repair. So how do we handle it? When someone bumps our emotional bucket and anger starts to spill out, what can we do?

Recently I was reading a story about a businessman who thought he had succeeded in being awarded a major contract. This transaction deal would have been the largest in his company”s history, taking his department”s production to unprecedented heights. Unfortunately, before the agreement was formalized the potential clients had a change of heart and elected to work with another company instead.

Understandably, the business executive was extremely disappointed. In fact, he became more than that. He boiled with anger and considered storming into the headquarters of the client that had reneged on the deal. He would inform anyone and everyone how wrongfully his company had been treated. If his angry thoughts had been bullets, a lot of people would have been wounded.

Before acting on this impulse, however, he took some time to calm down and ultimately decided to remain silent. He reasoned that although a strong display of emotion would feel cathartic, it would gain nothing. Since anger is so pervasive, the Bible has much to say about it. Here are just a few examples:

Seek to resolve disagreements promptly. Conflict is normal, but if we allow angry feelings to seethe and simmer, the magnitude of the dispute can escalate far beyond what is warranted. “In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry…” (Ephesians 4:26).

Do not let anger turn into bitterness. Disagreements usually can be resolved, but harboring angry feelings can lead to bitterness that damages, even destroys relationships. “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice” (Ephesians 4:31).

Listening, rather than speaking, can quell angry outbursts. It often helps to keep silent and listen, rather than quickly responding angrily when provoked. Sometimes we become angry simply because we fail to properly understand what someone is saying. Even if we still disagree, calmly discussing differences is more productive than angry demonstrations. “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man”s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires” (James 1:19-20).

Robert J. Tamasy is vice president of communications for Leaders Legacy, Inc., a non-profit organization based in Atlanta, Georgia, U.S.A. A veteran journalist, he has written Tufting Legacies (iUniverse); Business At Its Best: Timeless Wisdom from Proverbs for Today”s Workplace (River City Press); and has coauthored with David A. Stoddard, The Heart of Mentoring (NavPress). For more information, see www.leaderslegacy.com or his blogs, www.bobtamasy.blogspot.com and www.bobtamasy.wordpress.com.

Reflection/Discussion Questions
Do you, or someone close to you, struggle with anger? How is it typically manifested? And what are the results of such demonstrations? The saying tells us, “If it feels good, do it!” So why is it wrong to vent our anger when it feels good to release such pent-up emotions? Can you think of some situations where anger was expressed inappropriately in a workplace setting, causing destructive and disruptive results? Describe one or two of those scenarios and what the consequences were. What are your reactions to the biblical recommendations about anger and how it should be managed?NOTE: If you have a Bible and would like to review additional passages that relate to this topic, consider the following verses: Proverbs 12:16, 14:16,29, 15:18, 16:32, 17:27, 19:19, 22:24-25, 25:28, 26:21, 29:11

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